Do you think he's gonna call?
Dating in L.A. ... phew... what can I say? It's an art form in itself. It's calculated, manipulated and very exhausting. If you've ever seen the movie 'Swingers,' you know what I mean. The movie is pretty close to reality. The constant debate over 'how many days before I should call' is reality. Generally, there is an understanding that a call after the first meeting should be made anywhere between 3 and 7 days after. BUT! Then the question is, if he calls a week later does it mean that he is interested but not that much to bother calling after 3 days? Does it mean that he was so busy that he forgot to call sooner and therefore you are not that important to him? Does he just wanna be friends? Does he just want to keep you on the back-burner for bootie calls? Every move - and non-move - is dissected and interpreted. Guys in L.A. obsess over the rules of dating as well - just not as much as girls do. Girls can go on and on about 'what means what' all day long. It's mind boggling that women with a good education and financial independence waste their time over checking their cell phone every five minutes to see if he has called.
The mating rituals in the greater Los Angeles area can be observed in every public place where alcohol is served. There are some minor differences between locations. In clubs, girls try to stand out with colorful and low-cut dresses along with the perfect hair and make-up. What they don't realize is that in their effort to stand out, they all look the same. They blend together. It's a barbie salad. They even dance the same way (cocktail in one hand, purse in the other). They constantly hug their girlfriends and are obsessed with taking pictures of themselves showing them off as fun gals. I realize that the picture taking has become a staple in weekend nightlife ever since MySpace and Facebook hit the scene. We want to communicate to other people that we are having fun, that we have a lot of friends and that we know how to party. Even I am guilty of having fallen prey to social networking. We have a love-hate relationship.
Anyway, I digress. The other mating scene that's ideal for observation are bars. Last Friday, I went to a very popular Santa Monica wine bar. About 80% of the customers are female which at first sounds like men-heaven. However, the women there were mainly in their late 20s and early 30s which means that they are ready to get married, quit their job, pop-out a few kids and sign that mortgage for the house. Since there is no dancing at bars and bright clothing is sort of inappropriate, women communicated that they are fun by getting really drunk and shriekishly laughing with their gal pals. The noise level in those bars around 11 PM is unbelievable. Most guys are actually deterred by such behavior - or so it seems - and they keep their distance. On the other hand, some guys take advantage (or abuse - if you wanna look at it that way) of these marriage-desperate women. They find the one that's really drunk, shower her in compliments, and convince her to go home with him. The next day, he is getting high-fives from his friends and she is calling her girlfriends to ask them 'Do you think he's gonna call?'
Over the past few years, it has become evident, that female gold-diggers have been matched by male cougar hunters. Cougars - for those who are not in the know - are older women who seek out younger men (the cougar goddess is Demi Moore). There is a bar at the rooftop of a hotel in Santa Monica that is known for it's cougar scene. I've been there several times and I'm always one of the youngest women in there. Men who frequent the place are actively searching for a sugar mama. You can smell the money in the air. The women there are either successful business women who have made their own money or divorcees who have gotten money in their settlements. Either way, they call the shots. And young guys these days are not too proud to accept money from a woman. Every time I go there, I see a room full of peacocks. The males show off their colors and the woman chooses her mate.
Online dating is another topic in itself. I will leave that for another blog entry.
This morning I had breakfast with two guys. One of them scored last night. There came the verbal high-five (which, I have to admit, he got from me as well - sometimes I'm 'one of the guys'). He was telling us how it all came about - he worked on it all week with text messages, phone calls and finally with in-person wooing. They had met 2 weeks earlier. So after she left in the early morning hours, the question was, when is he gonna call her the next time? Like I said, guys talk about that too. I told him, that I think if a guy is interested, he calls the next day which was followed by two guys vigorously shaking their head: 'That looks desperate'. I really don't think it does but L.A. has it's own rules. So his plan is to wait several days. There is no real intention to develop this into something more. The usual 'I'll see what's happens.' That's the general mantra of the guys here which drives most women CRAZY. Most of us want to know right away if we should keep a day open for next weekend. I think if the guy doesn't hold your hand or put your arm around you in public, he's not interested. But that's just me.
Sure there are women who look at dating in the same casual manner as most guys do, and sure, there are guys who are just as desperate to find the one, but I think dating in L.A. is so screwed-up because people look at it as a game. There is no real concern for showing respect to the other person. L.A. is a tough dating turf...
The mating rituals in the greater Los Angeles area can be observed in every public place where alcohol is served. There are some minor differences between locations. In clubs, girls try to stand out with colorful and low-cut dresses along with the perfect hair and make-up. What they don't realize is that in their effort to stand out, they all look the same. They blend together. It's a barbie salad. They even dance the same way (cocktail in one hand, purse in the other). They constantly hug their girlfriends and are obsessed with taking pictures of themselves showing them off as fun gals. I realize that the picture taking has become a staple in weekend nightlife ever since MySpace and Facebook hit the scene. We want to communicate to other people that we are having fun, that we have a lot of friends and that we know how to party. Even I am guilty of having fallen prey to social networking. We have a love-hate relationship.
Anyway, I digress. The other mating scene that's ideal for observation are bars. Last Friday, I went to a very popular Santa Monica wine bar. About 80% of the customers are female which at first sounds like men-heaven. However, the women there were mainly in their late 20s and early 30s which means that they are ready to get married, quit their job, pop-out a few kids and sign that mortgage for the house. Since there is no dancing at bars and bright clothing is sort of inappropriate, women communicated that they are fun by getting really drunk and shriekishly laughing with their gal pals. The noise level in those bars around 11 PM is unbelievable. Most guys are actually deterred by such behavior - or so it seems - and they keep their distance. On the other hand, some guys take advantage (or abuse - if you wanna look at it that way) of these marriage-desperate women. They find the one that's really drunk, shower her in compliments, and convince her to go home with him. The next day, he is getting high-fives from his friends and she is calling her girlfriends to ask them 'Do you think he's gonna call?'
Over the past few years, it has become evident, that female gold-diggers have been matched by male cougar hunters. Cougars - for those who are not in the know - are older women who seek out younger men (the cougar goddess is Demi Moore). There is a bar at the rooftop of a hotel in Santa Monica that is known for it's cougar scene. I've been there several times and I'm always one of the youngest women in there. Men who frequent the place are actively searching for a sugar mama. You can smell the money in the air. The women there are either successful business women who have made their own money or divorcees who have gotten money in their settlements. Either way, they call the shots. And young guys these days are not too proud to accept money from a woman. Every time I go there, I see a room full of peacocks. The males show off their colors and the woman chooses her mate.
Online dating is another topic in itself. I will leave that for another blog entry.
This morning I had breakfast with two guys. One of them scored last night. There came the verbal high-five (which, I have to admit, he got from me as well - sometimes I'm 'one of the guys'). He was telling us how it all came about - he worked on it all week with text messages, phone calls and finally with in-person wooing. They had met 2 weeks earlier. So after she left in the early morning hours, the question was, when is he gonna call her the next time? Like I said, guys talk about that too. I told him, that I think if a guy is interested, he calls the next day which was followed by two guys vigorously shaking their head: 'That looks desperate'. I really don't think it does but L.A. has it's own rules. So his plan is to wait several days. There is no real intention to develop this into something more. The usual 'I'll see what's happens.' That's the general mantra of the guys here which drives most women CRAZY. Most of us want to know right away if we should keep a day open for next weekend. I think if the guy doesn't hold your hand or put your arm around you in public, he's not interested. But that's just me.
Sure there are women who look at dating in the same casual manner as most guys do, and sure, there are guys who are just as desperate to find the one, but I think dating in L.A. is so screwed-up because people look at it as a game. There is no real concern for showing respect to the other person. L.A. is a tough dating turf...
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