The Lump
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| The 'hot' avocado in my neck |
"What does that mean?" I lifted my head from the horizontal position trying not to get the goo from the ultrasound all over my t-shirt.
"Come back Wednesday and get your test results to discuss them with your PCP. Most of the time lumps are fine."
The radiologist took his cigarette-smell covered coat and himself out the door. I had the impression that he was counting the days to retirement in his head as he exited the room. By the looks of it, he didn't have too many left.
Wait! What? I have a lump? Just the day earlier my biggest worry was how to generate more followers on Instagram.
The doctor told me the news on Monday and I had to pick up the results on Wednesday. This gave me 48 hours to research the 10,000 different things a lump could mean on the internet. Going to work the next day was though but I was thankful for the distraction. Wednesday came and I raced to the doctor's office after work. I got a piece of paper stating that there is a hypoechoic lump with diameter of 2 cm on my right thyroid. With shaking hands I took this piece of paper to my PCP who had the results of my blood test waiting. She also said that thyroid lumps are 'fine' most of the time but that my lump is fairly big and I need to have it checked by a specialist within the next 1-2 weeks. I should definitely not wait any longer! And whether it is 'fine' or not, I definitely need to have it removed at one point.
I left her office with very, very wet eyes and a list of hospitals I should call to make an appointment.
After it sunk in that I may need surgery sooner or later, my immediate thought was: how am I going to fit in a one week stay at a hospital with enough recovery time between all the trips I've already booked this year?! A more rational person may have thought about all the places to call to cancel her trips. Not me! I'm a very restless person and cancelling any trip would make me a very sad panda. Surely, if the urgency of an immediate surgery should arise, I would cancel a trip if needed but I would prefer to work around my vacation...
So I called all those hospitals on the list. At least ten, if not more. "Not before October." "December at the earliest." "What insurance do you have?" "We can squeeze you in at the end of May?"
End of May was the earliest appointment I could get?!?! Even when I mentioned that my PCP insisted that I needed an appointment within the next 2 weeks, I swear I could hear them shrug their shoulders through the phone. There was only one solution: paying a private doctor. I got an appointment for the following week. EUR 270. Easily worth the sanity attached to that price tag. Nonetheless, I thought to myself that I could have gone on a weekend trip for that cash.
Waiting for that appointment for a full week was pure agony. I couldn't even imagine what would have happened to my already restless mind if I would have needed to wait over a month! When I arrived there were a man and a woman in the waiting room putting pressure on a wound on their necks. After doing all that making-me-crazy online surfing, I knew that their bleeding necks meant that they had 'cold' lumps, which are more likely to turn cancerous than 'hot' lumps and therefore needed to be punctured. Both looked like they were in pain. I was crossing my fingers for a 'hot' lump.
It was my turn. I had to do another ultrasound with cold goo on my neck. Private doctors sure are a lot friendlier than non-private ones. I was taken into a separate room where the doctor drew some blood. Than she injected radioactivity into me, which is supposed to 'light up' the lump on an x-ray. Radioactivity!!!! "Is that dangerous?" "No, not at all. Just put pressure on the spot where you were injected so the radioactivity doesn't leak." She smiled. I leak radioactivity?!?! I was put in a secluded room as I wasn't supposed to be within a meter of children or pregnant women for the next 30 minutes. That made me feel great...
My husband now lovingly calls me Radioactive Woman. That's one way to become a superheroine! Times like these also show you the strength of your relationship. After tearfully announcing my lumpy-news to my husband, he came with me to every doctor's appointment and gave me hugs whenenver possible. The last two weeks were harder on him than on me and I feel quite bad about that... (On a side note: on ways how NOT to behave as a husband when your wife is giving you bad health-related news, please refer to my book 'LAlien' and husband #1's reaction. You'll read why I needed to upgrade to husband 2.0.)
After 30 minutes passed, I had to sit in front of an x-ray box for 10 more minutes without moving. Ten minutes can be very long... Very, very long... when you are only allowed to breathe and swallow. I looked out the window for ten minutes starring at two red, ugly t-shirts on a clothesline swaying
back and forth in the wind.
After the ten minutes, I moved to a chair against the wall all the while being able to look over the shoulder of the technician. And there is was: a red spot with a yellow and green outline that had the shape of an avocado sliced in half. Please be a hot one. Please be a hot one. We want a hot lump.
The technician printed the image and gave it to the doctor. "Good news. It's a hot one! Only 1% chance of turning cancerous!" Yay? No, bleeding neck! Lucky me!
"So what now?"
"Your bloodwork is fine. That means the lump isn't 'active' yet. It will eventually become active. Come back in 4 months for another check to see if it will be active then. If your heart starts racing and you suddenly lose weight - come sooner."
She recommened I avoid iodinized salt, fish and seafood. My choices of treatment when the day of the 'active lump' comes are surgery or radioiodine therapy. For both I would have to stay in the hospital for a week. If anyone has experience with either treatment, please share your experience!
By the way, the reason I found out about the lump was by pure coincidence. I am currently having tests done because my body has been behaving weird for the past 5 months: weight gain, sweathing perfusely without feeling hot, extremely dry scalp and my back is not looking as smooth as it normally does. Maybe that was my body's way of telling me something else is going on, leading me to have all these tests done. Therefore ladies: listen to your body! Go to the doc if you think something's up. Better safe than sorry!
Needless to say, I celebrated the rest of the weekend - with lots of wine and very little salt...
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